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Categoría: Cómicos

The spectre of Butifarra

The old castle tilted over the cliffs like other castles in the world, amongst the beautiful scenery of the coast.

Never losing its air of beauty and mystery, it had remained in the same place for centuries, defying time and age.

Glistening in the light of the sun, the cliffs attracted birds and wild life, looking for a place to rest.

Fog, sun, and salt, greeted the sailors, who travelled to distant lands full of dangers.

Given the title by King Charles the second, Sir Orlando de Butifara the first lived with his wife and servants in a place far from civilisation.

Leading a busy life full of parties for his king and country, he got tired of his wife's infidelities.

His children had good manners and brains, even if they looked like the cook or the gardener.

Behaving like royalty, they had gone to the best schools of the country, where nobility reigned forever.

Taught to fight with the sword, his sons might have been the best sugar cutters of the Valley plantations, if they had been born this century.

By killing their enemies and praising their family's qualities, they became heroes across the kingdom, where people talked of their name and traditions.

With dark eyes, big teeth and hollow cheeks, the Butifaras looked like skulls, frightening the poor souls who came near them, in spite of their fame.

Trying to satisfy the guards' appetites, while pretending to love their husbands, the wives learned to live with their absent men, who fought many wars forever.

As time went past, we find the modern Butifaras with a few titles, but without much money.

Born in a cheap clinic, the last Count of Butifara hung his insignia on the chimney amidst the smoke and ashes.

Although it had gone dark, you could see the flag and names.

The eagle catching a snake by the shores of a river came to signify the spirit of the family.

Called Orlando like his ancestors, the last Butifara was a nobleman with lots of dandruff, a big nose and lack of personality.

Using thick glasses to find his way around the house, he sucked his dandruff with a vacuum cleaner, talked with a lisp and walked with a cane.

The last Butifara played the cards and danced at the rhythm of modern music while sneezing in do minor.

After going to the races on Sundays, on Mondays he sold his family's inheritance in the pawn shop, hoping to rescue his few possessions and his castle.

On recalling his father's life, Butifara wished the old man had a better death.

Like most of the nobility, he got drunk during weekends.

After falling asleep in the street one day, a tractor had gone over his body, leaving him flat on the ground.

His mother had to identify the hat and the pipe left by his side.

After sending him in a box to an uncle living in the USA, the last Butifara inherited four thousand skulls, a castle by the cliffs and thirty four ancestors' pictures.

Drowning in debts, the last count of Butifara had to sell some of the skulls, while his dandruff adorned the Christmas trees throughout the region.

Then he found another chance of life in an American girl called Marlene.

As the daughter of a business magnate, she had inherited one of the greatest fortunes of the time.

Working as a masseuse in a famous baseball team, Marlene's father had earned lots of fame and money.

As he massaged a third base's belly bottom one day, he thought of an invention to improve his life.

He designed buttons of different colours to hide the imperfections of the abdomen.

After opening five factories in the Ohio area, he sold them to North, South and Central America as well as New Zealand, Australia, china, Japan and everyone else in the world.

A plain girl, Marlene made herself attractive by using her father's dollars and having a few plastic surgeries.

Destiny put her in front of Orlando as he took one of his last skulls to the pawn shop.

Crashing into Marlene in the middle of the street, he dropped the skull on the pavement and it finished under a truck.

Marlene examined Orlando, as he looked at the broken skull and the truck drove away.

Their love turned into marriage, after she discovered his blue blood and he found her money.

Then the old castle was invaded by an army of builders mending the broken floors and frightening the seagulls.

"I love you," he said.

She satisfied his passion to get to his titles, while he yearned for her money.

The last Count of Butifara decided to spend his honeymoon amidst the rocks, sea and fish.

On a day when the sun set on the west and the canons shot forty times to celebrate the wedding, they shot Orlando's mother by mistake.

After taking possession of the castle, the Count and new Countess of Butifara sent the old woman's body to the uncle living in the USA.

The count loved the countess but she didn't like his dandruff and finished in the driver's arms, like the other Butifara in the sixteenth century.

She had his baby, keeping the family traditions alive forever.

Then one night as the clock struck twelve, a ghost appeared full of chains, and the first Butifara moved along the north wing of the castle, crying like a baby.

Of middle size and with a big abdomen, the ghost didn't have a head just like the rest of his relatives.

At first, they found the whole thing funny, but it turned boring, and the last count of Butifara bought a plastic chain to finish with the noise.

Orlando found a doctor specialising in the throat, but the ghost kept them awake with his crying and laments.

Wanting some of the inheritance he had lost centuries ago, he didn't leave them in peace, but then Marlene's father had an idea.

Children, old people, women and men came to witness the miracle of a ghost in chains, keeping the pace to the drums and drinking aguardiente.

The last count of Butifara is buying back his collection of skulls, as the sea crashes against the cliffs and his sons live happily forever.

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